I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
