she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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