How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
