I love black thongs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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