You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
