So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize