my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
