let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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