Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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