piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
