his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize