I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
