Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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