She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
