i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize