And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
