I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
