I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
