so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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