my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
