i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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