youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
