HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
