You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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