yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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