So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
