Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize