i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
