god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and she was petting her beer can
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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