If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
