found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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