She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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