and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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