the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
