and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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