I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
