So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
