apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
