At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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