Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
