My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize