Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
