Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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