AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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