Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
