____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
two words: eviction party
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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