guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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