I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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