Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
