Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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