So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
