hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
