currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
