Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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