i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
