She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize