I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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