he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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