My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
