hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I believe in your delicious
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize