every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
