I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
