Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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