1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
