At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize