I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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