You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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