literally had 100 drinks last night.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
