i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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