That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
