what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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