Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
