hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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