Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
