but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize