are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
