Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
