I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
