I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize