I want to make a zoo with you.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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