You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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