you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I want is dick and wine.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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