and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize