Your mouth is God's brothel.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
