the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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