So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
