So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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