i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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