walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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