this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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