god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize