My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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