dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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