he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
