He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
