good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
