My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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