Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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