so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
