When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
