It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
