Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
