Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
